Serenity

The word serenity came to me while reflecting on my day today...I google search the word looking for an image that visually captures the meaning of it. This is what pops up.  It's actually another perfect addition to my day. If you're not familiar with the series Firefly, this is a ship from that show. My husband and I watched the whole series during a Netflix blitz.  Not only was it a good show, but it was time the two of us enjoyed together.  He's the love of my life.

Today my heart felt light, free, unfiltered...not tethered to pain, loss, insecurities, expectations, or fears.  So many days I fight to get through; it's rare to have a full day of exhaling and breathing in life.  The hard work of being in the middle and working through my grief feels like I was given a reward today.

The sun was shining (we always think of Vivian with the sunshine), I enjoyed a coffee chat, took son #1 driving, watched the season finale of Survivor with my family and laughed a fair amount today.  Time stood still like it did when my boys were little...soaking up the moment of watching my oldest grip the steering wheel and jerk his way through a turn a little too fast but all the while seeing him grinning ear to ear... It was forever captured in my mind's eye.  To witness him try hydro painting a scooter part that didn't go as planned and how he tempered his disappointment a little more than he has in the past was a gift to witness. Son #2 walks in the door and greets me with a warm genuine "I had a good day".  Those words are golden.  The last year and a half has been tough on them.  He's been in a long season of being defensive and short.  He was soft today, kind hearted, and thoughtful.  Ethan invited Nolan to the garage to hang out and help him on the painting prep.  Nothing warms a Momma's heart more than to see her kids connecting.   Quick wit rolled off the tongues of both of them during Survivor and we all laughed.  The unsolicited full arms wrapped around your neck hugs before bed... priceless.

Thank you God for joy today.  The middle is making me new.  I am blessed.