This may be a bit of a soap box post... I was given a new perspective after our loss of Vivian and it seems like I'm denying her if I don't share some points that may potentially make a difference...
This weekend I had the honor and privilege to be a part of another birth, an amazing birth (I know, they're all amazing, but this one was a little more so). In the middle of labor, the proud Grandma pulled out her phone to show us a video of her grandson (soon to be big brother) who was around 3yrs old. In the video, he had his hands on his Mom's baby bump, smiling and instructing the baby to come out. He told baby that he had toys for him/her to play with. He then leaned his head on his Mom's belly with arms wrapping around her bump and said in a tender voice "I love you baby."
This was precious. This was joy dancing with pain for me. Moments like these make me feel less alone and crazy. It's that soul connection as a culture we ignore or are unaware of. This little boy had a soul connection to his baby brother/sister. He is incapable of thinking this connection into existence, just as we are as adults. We can not think through it or out of it when a soul is taken from us earth side. My husband and our two boys had a soul connection to our Vivian.
I hear all too often the stories of older couples in their 80-90s who lost a baby/child decades earlier who will break into instant tears when they think of their loss. It never goes away. No matter how many kids they have, it is a loss that is not quantified or lessened because they have other living kids. We don't love our subsequent kids less because they came later, that's ridiculous. In the same way, fathers don't love their babies less than mothers just because they didn't physically grow them in a womb.
Our souls know each other.