Wow! What a week at Clinical Bound! If you haven't figured out already, life through my eyes will forever be through the 'filter' of our love & loss of Vivian. It's just the way it is.
The beginning of the week was rough... As it turns out I wasn't as successful at shaking off the anxiety as I had hoped. I was a little preoccupied with triggers of being there the first time happy & pregnant with Vivian. It was tough to focus and let myself relax. Self doubt took quite a hold too. Passing my physical assessment as well as I did, was such a boost! The instructors were phenomenal... encouraging, passionate, funny, wise, and stepped into simulation roles like paid actresses! Finally connecting with a core group of Frontier friends was a definite highlight too. We shared:
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biting assessment check offs, fasciculation, never have I ever, shopping for underwear & flipflops, beef tongue suturing, simulations, Red Light
Cafe, shack o'shame, sangria & warm beer, laughter & tears,
salad with bugs, a syringe squirt gun, hot topics & so much more!
How perfect it was to wrap up the week at Wendover where Mary Breckenridge lived & pursued bringing nurse midwives to the states. In Frontier fashion, we circled up to share what we were looking forward to as midwives and where we thought we might serve or go. It was moving to hear so many different stories & missions. I shared a bit about Vivian and how my focus has shifted from when I was there the first time. Perinatal loss will definitely be a part of my focus... where it takes me is yet to be determined. It's very much a faith piece. One instructor reminded me that Mary Breckenridge lost her 2 children and went on to do great things. Those were and are empowering words for me. To be among 'your people' and to be in that 'place' that fits you is a gift. I am blessed.
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